Good morning, mindful ones! Do you feel the change in the air this morning? That lovely chill of fall and a glimpse of all beautiful things to follow.
For many many many years, I would wake up on Monday mornings with a jolt. My eyes would pop open and my heart rate would immediately elevate as I grabbed my blackberry and quickly scanned the news and read emails.
But the anxious energy didn’t start there. It started Sunday afternoon. I would be in a frenzy trying to get laundry done and the house spotless to start the week fresh and ready.
This was my normal. I didn’t really know anything else. I was conditioned to operate at this high level of “busyness” and self-importance. I was pretty serious and intense back then.
Then I would get Julian up and ready, I rushed him through breakfast and drop off at school. Then the mad rush to get to the office for a day filled with meetings and directing projects and managing a staff of professionals.
And I would count the hours until I could get on my mat! Some days I’d rise before dawn to squeeze in a 5:30 am class. I would block my calendar off and sneak out to class during the day. And I would practice at night after work.
On my mat, I began to get to know myself. Underneath the stress and drama and rushing around, I found a sense of peace, calmness and FREEDOM. Playfulness that didn’t involve heavy drinking or power shopping. Ease. Flow. Movement. Mindfulness.
I felt such a dichotomy in my life: which Nadja was really ME? There was such a sharp contrast between the two different sides.
I began to like myself so much more when I was practicing. So I made the leap of faith and “retired” from the public sector.
Five years later, I am still deconstructing from that lifestyle. It’s definitely a process to reprogram from lifelong habits and patterns. We are either continually growing or progressively dying. To coin a buzz phase from my former career, continuous improvement model.
Let’s keep growing and figuring this thing out! We’re all in this together!
Have a great week, yogis
Anicca! Be happy!