Mindful Monday: Comparison is the Thief of Joy

Good morning and happy Monday! Hope you had a fantastic weekend!

I had an incredible weekend celebrating my brilliant son’s high school graduation surrounded by his family and friends.

I had such a great time, I barely took any pictures!

And I cannot tell you how liberating that was. To just be present. Connecting with family and friends and making sure he had a great time and that he greeted and thanked all of his guests.

We live in a world now where social media can take over our daily lives, if we allow it. We spend so much time trying to create the “perfect” image to post on social media. And we measure our own value based on the number of “likes” or “❤️s” we get.

And it’s exhausting! This constant comparison to others.

It’s nothing new. Human nature hasn’t changed much; it’s just technology that has.

Long before social media, we were compared to other babies and toddlers in terms of percentile of height and weight.

In school, we are compared to all of the other kids and measured by GPAs and medals and ribbons in sports.

We start working and have families, and there’s still that constant feeling of “keeping up” with our peers.

This carries on into the next generation, when we compare our children to their peers!

Comparison is generally a fast track to unhappiness. It’s a sure path to misery. All it does is keeps you focusing on what you don’t like about yourself and your life. And throw in to that recipe a big dose of FOMO, and oh boy, serious self-esteem issues can arise that can be directly attributed to any forms of criticism imprinted from our childhoods.

Of course, the goal is for all of us to celebrate our own unique individuality and be genuinely happy for others’ successes without feeling less than.

If you are caught in that vicious cycle, as I was for many decades, read on for some tips to find a bit more balance.

1. Take a social media detox. I know, I know! There was a time in my life that a suggestion like that would cause me to panic! You would not have been able tto wrestle my smart phone out of my gripping, clinging hands!

Going on a 10 day silent meditation retreat where they took my phone and car keys and we didn’t speak, write or listen to any music for 10 days seemed like an impossibility! But the practice of withdrawing from all of the external stimulation, distractions and noise was the most incredible experience.

Oh of course you don’t have to do anything that extreme! But there are plenty of apps out there that help you understand how much time and energy you squander on various social media platforms.

There’s no substitute for a real, live human connection.

2. Use comparison in a healthy way! Use it to be inspired by others’ successes. And remember that one teeny little square image is a frozen fragment in time; there is probably an incredible backstory filled with challenges, heartbreak and struggles that culminate in a single triumphant moment.

What inspires you?

3. Use comparison as a modality to self-healing! What, exactly, about that image or real-life scenario sparks jealousy and feelings of unworthiness? We start to see that when resentment or envy bubbles up, it’s not in fact because of another’s success. It’s because we see someone else living authentically and to their potential, and perhaps we know there are areas in our own lives that could use more attention and development.

4. Take a yoga class! Meditate! Talk a walk! Go for a run. Or a swim. Or a bike ride. Play some music. Dance! Or just take a yoga class! Lol. Moving your body gets you out of that gorgeous head of yours (where all of our misery originates) and releases the feel good natural drug: endorphins!

5. And finally, my universal panacea: practice gratitude! Fill your mind with all of the things you are grateful for in your life! One of my private students began a gratitude practice with me and was astounded at how all of the abundance that began rapidly pouring into her life!

And of course, if nobody else tells you today, remember that you are amazing! You are exactly where you are meant to be along this journey!

Anicca! Anicca! Anicca! Be happy! Be happy! Be happy!

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