My first in studio practice after quarantine I noticed I was too anxious to rest my arms next to my sides in savasana. It felt too vulnerable, too exposed, too unsafe. It felt as if my body kept wanting to retract into a little ball of fear despite my practice being eager to show my body that it was okay, that the practice would help. Although guidance from a teacher is inspiring, the energy from other students is uplifting and there’s no thought sequence to create, sometimes the language used by us teachers to introduce a posture or expression can feel forced instead of invited despite their intention is meant to be purely for the good. It is important we remind ourselves that our practice is entirely ours. We decide what we take from guidance.
So I began a home practice as a chance to connect back to my body so that maybe it would not feel so much of a stranger but instead a familiarly of returning home to a space that provided strength, comfort and ultimately safety.
Home does not necessarily have to be a physical location. It has many connotations. To some, home is merely a place where basic needs are addressed. To others, home is the foundation from which they draw their strength and tranquility. Still, others view home as a place linked to family. Yet all these definitions of home imply somewhere we can be ourselves and are totally accepted. My home practice offered no time limit, no judgement, no expectation, no comparison, no specific style.
When we strip away these attachments, we reveal what needs of ours need tending, nourishment and the more patience we give ourself, the more my body became open to practicing, open to expansion, open to growth.
I noticed myself feeling more inspired, energized, confident, ultimately safe. Free and in control of my body. At some point along the way we will finally have a glimpse into what it feels like to be home in our body.